


You know hobbits don't do anything

by ThEpicjellyfish



Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: And Fili and Kili are goobers, Balin randomly has a fiddle and bilbo is a smashing musician, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-28
Updated: 2013-05-28
Packaged: 2017-12-13 05:03:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/820312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThEpicjellyfish/pseuds/ThEpicjellyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One night after the company stops for rest, a simple challenge reveals that bilbo is a comedian, and a very talented musician.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You know hobbits don't do anything

"So mister boggins. What do hobbits do to pass the time?" Kili blinked his eyes widely a few times, looking at him from across the fire. The rest of the dwarves looked at bilbo.

"Well laddie? Tell us!"Balin turned to bilbo.

"What we do to pass the time? Um- ah well we like to garden, sew, explore the woods in younger hobbits cases, often times we-"

"That's the dull things lad"Dwalin cut him off"anything interesting you pudgy rabbits do?"

"We are quite good with music. In fact, hobbits have invented over 200 musical instruments, and by the time a child is ten parents will have taught them at least thirteen different instruments"the dwarves looked at him, a little surprised."I'm q-quite good with a violin m-myself." Bilbo stuttered.

Dwalin raised an eyebrow." Prove it."

"Can you make up a song on the spot-"

"With notes and everything?" Fili and Kili scooted a little closer.

"I should think I could!"bilbo huffed indignantly."might I borrow your fiddle master Balin?" Balin handed the fiddle and bow over to bilbo, who nodded his thanks. Drawing out a few experimental cords, he settled on a fast paced rhythm that had his hands and bow flying across the stringed instrument.

"Oh, I've never been to Gondor,  
And I've never been to Westmarch,  
And I've never hunted mushrooms underneath the Deeping Wall,  
And I've never been to Mirkwood,  
And I've never been to Staddle,  
And I've never been to Mordor in the fall."

The dwarves were shocked. The hobbit had a truly talented voice, making the song sweet like honey despite the silly lyrics.

Oh, you know Hobbits, Don't Do Anything,  
We just stay home, safe underground,  
And if you ask us to do anything,  
We'll just tell you- We don't do anything!

Thorin looked over from his place at his bedroll, the song catching his attention raptly. The hobbit had a gorgeous voice.

Oh, I've never eaten lembas,  
And I've never seen a mumak,  
And I've never rode a pony 'cuz I never ride at all,  
And I've never talked to Treebeard,  
And I've never wrestled Gollum,  
And I've never been to Mordor in the fall.

Oh, you know Hobbits, Don't Do Anything,  
We just stay home, safe underground,  
And if you ask us to do anything,  
We'll just tell you- We don't do anything!

Fili and Kili were laughing hard now, falling off their log in glee.

Oh, I've never slain a goblin,  
And I'm not too good at sewing,  
And I've never stood on barrels just to make myself look tall,  
And I've never kissed a dragon,  
And I've never swallowed pipe-weed,  
And I've never been to Mordor in the fall.

Oh, you know Hobbits, Don't Do Anything,  
We just stay home, safe underground,  
And if you ask us to do anything,  
We'll just tell you- We don't do anything!

Oh, I've never tickled Gandalf,  
And I've never swum to Buckland,  
And I've never painted Uruk-hai on Rohan's royal hall,  
And I've never bathed in Ent-drafts,  
And I don't look good in chainmail,  
And I've never been to Mordor in the fall."

The dwarves burst into laughter and applause for the hobbit, shouting their compliments and garbling their words with laughter. No one but the hobbit noticed, but it was the first time Thorin had smiled on the entire journey. And it was directed at a certain hobbit.

\---------––--------------

**Author's Note:**

> COULDN'T RESIST making it thilbo. But it's awesome and totally NOT edited, so don't hurt me.
> 
> AND the song is a parody of 'the pirates who don't do anything' that I found on the council of Elrond forums. I did not write it.
> 
> (This is my first time on AO3, tell me what you think)


End file.
